Day 6- first post op appt

Today I went home.  I was running out of soups at my friend's house and didn't want to have to buy more when I have so many at home. Also, I had been there for almost a week!  What sweet friends I have, I feel very lucky. 

I had my first post op appt today.  Everything went fine.  When my surgeon walked in, he joked about how they beat me up.  This kind of sucked because I had said this joke the day before and was going to say it to him when he walked in; it took the wind out of my sails a little.  But other than killing my joke, my surgeon and TJ were very nice and supportive as always.  They both commented about my super swollen top lip and TJ thinks it looks unusually prominent because most of the time, both lips are very swollen so it's more balanced.  He checked the numbness in my lip and upper face; it's still just less than normal.
  

Then they wanted to change my rubber band arrangement which I was more than ready for because they've been causing me SOOO much pain.  Dr. C jerked the rubber band out quickly to avoid the snapping and it hurt so badly!!! I actually cried a little.  I'm soo not a crier either, I'll only cry if something's really wrong, but it just came out immediately as a reaction; it hurt!!!!!  TJ seemed to feel really bad and tried to comfort me and gave me tissues.  It felt okay a little bit after the initial pull.  They said the TADs aren't ideal for this reason, as they put so much strain on the gums. 

So then they repositioned them into an X shape in the front. This position is a little annoying as far as eating, but it's better than the pain from before. 

Then they did xrays and I asked for some wax or something to put over the TADs.  They tried to put these caps on them, but they were too hard to get on. They gave me wax and caps to take home so I could try to put them on.  My xrays looked awesome!!!  Everything's lined up, it's so different looking.  I'll try to remember to ask to take a picture next time.  They said the stitches will fall out soon.  

I asked if I can start flossing yet and they said to wait a week.  (I secretly may have flossed my four bottom teeth that morning because it felt like I had food stuck and I can't stand that feeling).  They laughed that I was so gung-ho to brush and floss because most patients are scared to go near their mouths.  They said another doctor in the practice had to spend an hour cleaning a patient's mouth that morning because he wouldn't touch it.  Because of my invisalign, I'm used to brushing and flossing all the time so if I don't do it, I feel like I'm doing something wrong.

Dr.C, unfortunately, said I can't start the soft diet yet.  He said I should come back next week and that normally he sees patients again after 4 weeks, but that he's keeping a closer eye on me because I don't have braces.  He mentioned that I was a more difficult case again and I said sorry haha.   Honestly, I wouldn't care right now if I had braces.  I look so gross anyways that it wouldn't add to it.  I would not, however, want them once the swelling is down or to have had then pre surgery.  He said I'd hopefully be on a soft diet after next week's appt, but that I could start thickening up my diet.  (I went home and literally shoved a blueberry muffin past my teeth and into the tiny space I can open.  Not the greatest, easiest, or fastest venture, but it tasted damn good). 

I told TJ I watched the surgery online and he was shocked to hear that it was on youtube.  He said if I had watched it before I would have cancelled haha.  He told me about another procedure that a lot of residents faint during.  It was interesting. 

I was easily worn out today.  I went to my friend's apt and went up the elevator and walked down the hall to her door.  The building is a square with an open inside so I had to walk down two sides of the building to get to her place so it is kind of long.  As I approached my friend's door, I realized my heart was beating pretty fast and that I was tirrredddd!  It's so weird. 

I ran out of ibuprofen mid-day so I knew I had to venture outside again.  I was very nervous and put it off until 9pm-ish.  During my stay at my friend's house I was careful to only wear things I didn't care about getting bloody or covered in food.  Once I got home, I showered, put on the jewelery I normally wear, and put on a dress I'd normally wear in the summer.  Then I decided to put on some makeup because I still looked kind of dead.  I put on mascara and eye liner like I normally wear.  I gave a half-second thought to putting cover up on my bruises, but I quickly realized it wouldn't really do anything to make me look more normal.

I looked in the mirror at my hair which looked nice, at my nice dress and necklace, and then my gaze landed on my face.  It was shocking to see the "normal" me with this messed up face.  I see the silhouette of the "me" I'm used to, but with a fat, foreign face.  It's really hard to get used to this completely different view of yourself.  I'm not used to feeling ugly and not wanting to go out in public.  But what's worse than feeling ugly, which I've experienced- we've all had the awkward preteen stage- is feeling freakish.  My face is shockingly messed up and it's really an adjustment for my mind and sense of self.  (sorry I keep saying shocking, but it is!).  

So I finally got the courage to go to walmart- not even the classiest place.  I figured I wouldn't see people I know there or see intimidating people (whatever that means) and it was late so I hoped there wouldn't be many people there (wrong).  As I was walking in, there was a man sitting on a bench and I saw, out of the corner of my eye, him look up, come to attention and keep looking.  I was so nervous and self conscious.  When I walked in, kids were walking towards me and I was worried they'd get scared.  I walked briskly past them and into the shelter of the clothing racks.  I uncomfortably went about my business, very aware of how I appeared.  When I finished, I was so happy to get back in my car.

I don't know if other people have this same degree of discomfort about their appearance, but I've been struggling with it.  Notice I've still not posted the super swollen pictures (update: I started posting the super swollen pictures on Day 9).  I wonder if I think it's worse than it is.  I'll ask my friends the next time I see them.

lip is so huge :(

bruising came out

most ridiculous smile ever

Home from hospital

Here are my super drugged up videos after coming home from the hospital.  I'm just about the worst story teller ever in these and the basic gist is that I didn't feel as bad as I thought I would and everyone was just sooooo nice!! hahaha enjoy. 

sorry I paused it bc my friends walked in and it created a new video

I don't know if you can tell, but my swelling goes up as I'm speaking in these.  I could feel it increasing.  

And here are some pictures from day 1:

you can see the blueish tint which is the beginning of the bruising

front teeth in front of bottom teeth!!! :) :)

2 of the TADs

!!!

such a great bite!!!

It's Coming Up...

So my surgery is getting closer and closer and I'm getting more and more worried.  But I can talk about my stresses later.  First the work up:

So I got there a little late... oops.  My phone took me a ridiculous way...sometimes I hate google.  Anyways, it went fine.  It was pretty funny actually.  I was called back and sat down in a chair like the ones they have at the dentist.  It had the overhead light and everything.  Then my surgeon, who I had met with before, came in and asked how I was doing; normal small talk stuff.   Another man, in a white lab coat, walked in after him and then a man in blue scrubs walked in.  Then they all gathered around me, leaned in, and stared.  hahahah it was the strangest sight!  They were all looking at me from different angles and nodding and tilting their heads every so often.  I guess it was kind of uncomfortable, having my abnormality analyzed, but I know that's what they do all the time and they have definitely seen MUCH worse. Plus, I didn't feel that they were judging me in any way, just analyzing what they could do. 
It's hard to remember the order everything happened in...I probably shouldn't have waited 5 days to revisit it, but oh well.  Okay so the main surgeon basically told the other two to take pics, get molds, and get xrays.  Then he left :(.  I'm kind of upset that I haven't gotten to know him better or spend more time with him.  It was funny though, when they were analyzing my jaw, I noticed he has pretty crooked teeth.  I thought that was cool of him, I hope I can keep my teeth a little bit crooked after all of this, I think it gives them character.  So first, the 6th (and last) year student (maybe resident? idn) wearing the white lab coat sat down and asked me questions about the functional problems I had experienced due to my jaw discrepancies.  It was hard to answer because I have a bite now due to my invisalign "fitting" together so that's what I'm used to.  Then he asked me about things I didn't want to change post surgery and things I wouldn't mind changing.  My list of things not to change was pretty big, but I definitely told them that they could tilt my nose up as much as they pleased haha. 
Then I went and got xrays and had to bite on those stupid plastic things that keep your head still for the panoramic shots.  ouch!  Then I came back and they had me take pictures of my biggest forced smile, my normal bite, and my profile.  Then I sat down and they took a shot from a bird's eye view and worm's eye view.  I probably shouldn't have worn a v-neck...  Then they took molds.  The student in the white jacket did these and was so excited at how easy they were because I didn't have braces.  By this point, I was getting nervous about getting all of my 2 pages worth of questions answered and pulled out my notebook... I hope he didn't hate me.  He answered all my questions and was nice about it, but I felt bad.  He then did my physical by asking me questions about my health and then gave me a prescription to get blood work done. 
They didn't have imaging software there because it's inaccurate and they didn't like using it.  The main doctor, Dr. C, I guess I'll call him, said they are going to try to fix my bite by only moving the top jaw, but they got consent for both just in case.  They said it looks like they'll just move it out 5mm, but when I told them my ortho had originally said 7-8 mm, Dr. C said he'd need to do the "surgery" on the models and then he'd know for sure.  Dr. C had said at my consult that they'd be moving it out and down, but idn.  The white coat guy, TJ, said they'd look at my nose while they're in there and see if they can fix anything.  I fell face first onto brick ground a few months ago.  I now have a collapsed area in my nose, can't smell a thing!!, it hurts randomly, my sneeze has changed, and I feel pressure in it often.  TJ also said this would be the last time I'd meet with them before the surgery and that he would be there during the operation.  They said the surgery for the one jaw should take 2 hrs, but if the lower jaw is involved, it'd take longer: 4-5 hrs.  I'd stay in the hospital for 1 night and he made the recovery seem like nothing, as I've seen to be common with most surgeons.  But I know better!  And ugh for the life of me, I can't remember what he said about the splint and being wired/banded shut and everything.  It's vital information!! But what I have in my head is splint and rubber banded together for a week and then after...I draw a blank.  At my consult, I know Dr. C said I'd be on a liquid diet for a week and then soft foods for a while after.

Didn't mean for this to run so long!! but one last thing: I keep worrying that I'll wake up after surgery and have braces!! haha that'd be a shock, but I don't think it'll happen.  I get my TADs (temporary anchorage devices) put in... um I'm updating my phone right now so I can't look, but maybe tuesday of next week, July 26th?  Idn how many or where or anything, but I don't care as long as everything turns out right.

NINE more days!! AAAAAAHHHH!!!