Day 7

Today I didn't do much.  I stayed home and relaxxxedddd, it was nice.  I took a nice shower, slept late, and ate mushy food.  I started mixing my vanilla ensures with juice and it tastes really good and gives extra nutrients! 

The swelling in my lip is quite a bit better today.  Not anywhere near normal looking, but way less out there.  It's strange how it heals.  There are two creases in my lip that are a lot flatter and separate the rest of my lip into 3 swollen pockets.  It looks veryyy funny.  The right side is a little less swollen than the left.  The "pockets" in the lips kind of get in the way when I slurp in my food.  Sometimes I'll be slurping and catch my lip, but because I can hardly feel it, I don't realize it and I keep slurping on it, but it doesn't come in.  It gets a little confusing haha.  

I ate chicken soup and noodles all blended up for breakfast.  Then later on I had oatmeal blended and thinned with milk.  This was the most ridiculous thing to eat because I didn't make it thin enough at first.  So I ate some and added milk and ate some more and added more milk and so on.  It was taking forever and was such an incredible mess that I gave up on it halfway through.  I had been working on it for 2 hours...or so it seemed.  

A family friend walked in the house unexpectedly today.  When he saw me he said, "What happened to you?"  He was all confused and wasn't delicate about it, but he's kind of socially weird so I wasn't too taken aback by it.  My cousin and aunt also called me today to see how I was doing which was very nice.  They said that they could understand me which was encouraging. 

Last night, I had a weird dream.  It was a normal dream until I randomly caught a view of myself in the mirror.  My bottom teeth were out in front of my top teeth which was obviously very upsetting.  I woke up all stressed out and then realized everything was fine. :) Thank goodness!

Will post pics tomorrow.

you can see what I mean about my lips healing into different sections. 

I took a picture of my smile, but it's too ridiculous to post.  I'll get a second opinion and maybe I'll post it. 

Day 6- first post op appt

Today I went home.  I was running out of soups at my friend's house and didn't want to have to buy more when I have so many at home. Also, I had been there for almost a week!  What sweet friends I have, I feel very lucky. 

I had my first post op appt today.  Everything went fine.  When my surgeon walked in, he joked about how they beat me up.  This kind of sucked because I had said this joke the day before and was going to say it to him when he walked in; it took the wind out of my sails a little.  But other than killing my joke, my surgeon and TJ were very nice and supportive as always.  They both commented about my super swollen top lip and TJ thinks it looks unusually prominent because most of the time, both lips are very swollen so it's more balanced.  He checked the numbness in my lip and upper face; it's still just less than normal.
  

Then they wanted to change my rubber band arrangement which I was more than ready for because they've been causing me SOOO much pain.  Dr. C jerked the rubber band out quickly to avoid the snapping and it hurt so badly!!! I actually cried a little.  I'm soo not a crier either, I'll only cry if something's really wrong, but it just came out immediately as a reaction; it hurt!!!!!  TJ seemed to feel really bad and tried to comfort me and gave me tissues.  It felt okay a little bit after the initial pull.  They said the TADs aren't ideal for this reason, as they put so much strain on the gums. 

So then they repositioned them into an X shape in the front. This position is a little annoying as far as eating, but it's better than the pain from before. 

Then they did xrays and I asked for some wax or something to put over the TADs.  They tried to put these caps on them, but they were too hard to get on. They gave me wax and caps to take home so I could try to put them on.  My xrays looked awesome!!!  Everything's lined up, it's so different looking.  I'll try to remember to ask to take a picture next time.  They said the stitches will fall out soon.  

I asked if I can start flossing yet and they said to wait a week.  (I secretly may have flossed my four bottom teeth that morning because it felt like I had food stuck and I can't stand that feeling).  They laughed that I was so gung-ho to brush and floss because most patients are scared to go near their mouths.  They said another doctor in the practice had to spend an hour cleaning a patient's mouth that morning because he wouldn't touch it.  Because of my invisalign, I'm used to brushing and flossing all the time so if I don't do it, I feel like I'm doing something wrong.

Dr.C, unfortunately, said I can't start the soft diet yet.  He said I should come back next week and that normally he sees patients again after 4 weeks, but that he's keeping a closer eye on me because I don't have braces.  He mentioned that I was a more difficult case again and I said sorry haha.   Honestly, I wouldn't care right now if I had braces.  I look so gross anyways that it wouldn't add to it.  I would not, however, want them once the swelling is down or to have had then pre surgery.  He said I'd hopefully be on a soft diet after next week's appt, but that I could start thickening up my diet.  (I went home and literally shoved a blueberry muffin past my teeth and into the tiny space I can open.  Not the greatest, easiest, or fastest venture, but it tasted damn good). 

I told TJ I watched the surgery online and he was shocked to hear that it was on youtube.  He said if I had watched it before I would have cancelled haha.  He told me about another procedure that a lot of residents faint during.  It was interesting. 

I was easily worn out today.  I went to my friend's apt and went up the elevator and walked down the hall to her door.  The building is a square with an open inside so I had to walk down two sides of the building to get to her place so it is kind of long.  As I approached my friend's door, I realized my heart was beating pretty fast and that I was tirrredddd!  It's so weird. 

I ran out of ibuprofen mid-day so I knew I had to venture outside again.  I was very nervous and put it off until 9pm-ish.  During my stay at my friend's house I was careful to only wear things I didn't care about getting bloody or covered in food.  Once I got home, I showered, put on the jewelery I normally wear, and put on a dress I'd normally wear in the summer.  Then I decided to put on some makeup because I still looked kind of dead.  I put on mascara and eye liner like I normally wear.  I gave a half-second thought to putting cover up on my bruises, but I quickly realized it wouldn't really do anything to make me look more normal.

I looked in the mirror at my hair which looked nice, at my nice dress and necklace, and then my gaze landed on my face.  It was shocking to see the "normal" me with this messed up face.  I see the silhouette of the "me" I'm used to, but with a fat, foreign face.  It's really hard to get used to this completely different view of yourself.  I'm not used to feeling ugly and not wanting to go out in public.  But what's worse than feeling ugly, which I've experienced- we've all had the awkward preteen stage- is feeling freakish.  My face is shockingly messed up and it's really an adjustment for my mind and sense of self.  (sorry I keep saying shocking, but it is!).  

So I finally got the courage to go to walmart- not even the classiest place.  I figured I wouldn't see people I know there or see intimidating people (whatever that means) and it was late so I hoped there wouldn't be many people there (wrong).  As I was walking in, there was a man sitting on a bench and I saw, out of the corner of my eye, him look up, come to attention and keep looking.  I was so nervous and self conscious.  When I walked in, kids were walking towards me and I was worried they'd get scared.  I walked briskly past them and into the shelter of the clothing racks.  I uncomfortably went about my business, very aware of how I appeared.  When I finished, I was so happy to get back in my car.

I don't know if other people have this same degree of discomfort about their appearance, but I've been struggling with it.  Notice I've still not posted the super swollen pictures (update: I started posting the super swollen pictures on Day 9).  I wonder if I think it's worse than it is.  I'll ask my friends the next time I see them.

lip is so huge :(

bruising came out

most ridiculous smile ever

Day 5 and Recap of Day 4

Yesterday was pretty much the same as the day before.  I was in a ton of pain all day because I ran out of ibuprofen the night before and had to wait for my friend to get me some after she got off work.  I felt SO SO terrible.  I could hardly stand up and walk around.  I had no idea how much of a difference the ibuprofen makes.  Once I got it I felt so much better.

Later yesterday night, I ordered chinese food and walked a block to the store to pick it up.  I felt really self conscious and was upset that there were so many people outside.  My swelling alone wouldn't be that big of a deal because it's obviously swelling, but my top lip is so enormous and unnatural looking, it makes it glaringly obvious that I don't look normal, but it isn't something that can be obviously attributed to surgery.  The lady in the chinese restaurant avoided eye contact and I worried that my friend who I walked over with was embarrassed to be seen with me.  As we walked out of the chinese restaurant, a girl and her mother were crossing the street and I didn't want the girl to see me and get scared.  Luckily they finished crossing and had walked ahead of us by the time we got to the same corner.

When we got home I blended up hot and sour soup and it looked very gross, but tasted delicious.  Eating is quite funny right now because I'm still rubber banded shut.  I tuck paper towels into my shirt to make a bib, lay paper towels across my lap to catch drips, hold onto the mug I drink from with a napkin to catch what runs down the side, and have another napkin handy to wipe my lips/chin/nose.  My top lip is so big that everything gets on it.  I have to slurp my food a bit so that it'll go into my mouth.  A lot of times the liquid will become too wide for my mouth to catch and drip down the side.  Everything's a little numb so it's hard to judge where the food is going. 

Last night i was feeling around my eyes and noticed that i could feel some of the bone on the outer part of my eye socket!  (I can feel a little bit more today!)

Today was good/frustrating because it's the first day that I looked a lot worse than I felt!  My stupid top lip is trying to take over the planet and has possibly decreased the teeny tiniest bit, if at all, from yesterday.  For the first time today, I could hold the mouthwash in my mouth and swish around without running out of breath.  (I was much too congested before.)  I swear I spend half my day with q-tips and hydrogen peroxide.  (absolute necessity!!!!)  I'm pretty bummed bc the rubber bands holding my mouth closed are ripping up my gums and shifting my teeth all over the place.  It's really upsetting, but hopefully I'll get less rubber bands tomorrow at my 1st post op appt!!  My gums are also SOOOOO swollen.  It's so upsetting because I floss and brush all the time and my gums are normally so healthy, but oh well. 

Last night, I watched the video of the actual surgical procedure I had on youtube.  DO NOT DO THIS BEFORE YOUR SURGERY!  SERIOUSLY DON'T!!!  REALLY!!  I didn't look at it before my surgery because I was too scared it would make me scared or back out and I'm SO SO glad I waited.  I want to be a surgeon so I'm not even squeamish about those things, but seriously don't look at it before your surgery.  Well anyways, I know why I'm so swollen and why I'm swollen in certain places.  It also gave me some insight into where my stitches are and stuff so that's made the brushing less painful.  I have stitches all across my top lip and it's SO hard to brush my top teeth without brushing over them which hurts SO badly.  I think maybe that's why the swelling in my top lip won't go down bc I irritate it every time I brush.

My swelling has gone down a lot...well maybe not a lot, but it feels so much better.  I don't feel my face throbbing and stretching all of the time anymore which is so nice.  My swelling seems to have moved down my face.  The top of my face is less full and I'm not sure if my lower face is more swollen due to it moving down, but it just looks way better to me.  Maybe that's just because my enormous top lip makes everything look small in comparison.

I took another shower today and it felt fantastic.  The water pressure was perfect and I was able to massage my face with it and it was just so soothing and perfect.  I didn't feel faint or anything. 

I definitely think that staying with my best friend makes the recovery a lot easier.  My other best friend comes over every day too so I think it's been helping me not get depressed.  A few times, especially yesterday when I ran out of medicine, I got really sad because I was in so much pain and couldn't stand up or do anything, but it passed pretty quickly.  My friends also have a dog so I cuddle with him and watch tv all day basically.

I've been trying to go for a walk every day so that I'm moving around.  Today I didn't go on one, but I moved around a lot more normally today.  My friends even commented that I seemed like I had more energy today.  I pretty much did have good energy today, but it's frustrating because it's hard to talk (and be understood) and it hurts to laugh.  (my TADs rip up my lips when I move them a lot).

The other day I called my surgeon's office because I was worried that I had an infection.  I talked to the resident, TJ, and he was really nice, as always, but the funny thing was that even though I was so unintelligible, the secretary and TJ could understand me perfectly hahaha!  They must be so used to hearing people through gritted teeth.  Alternatively, I called an unrelated business and the lady could hardly understand what I was saying and was really confused. 

So I think that's all I have to share about the past two days.  I'm just gonna keep on watching south park, taking my meds, and hoping my lips look more normal tomorrow!

Day 4 pictures: 

day 4

I feel like crap.  You can also see that my top lip is getting bigger. 

my lovely necklace is the cool jaw band

it's funny that my chin is looks so small because it's the only part of my face that isn't swollen

you can see the thickness of my face

I feel awful :(

this is my hot and sour soup.  one's the original soup and one's blended up...can you guess which one's which?

Day 5 pictures: 

top lip growing

These were taken an hour or so later:

look at that lip!

my smile for today

Day 3

OWWWWWWW!!!  So much pressure in my face.  It comes and goes and comes back.  It's so miserable :(

I left the house twice today which was fun.  The first trip was to pick my friend up and take her to rite aid and then back to where I'm staying.  I just stayed in the car, but fell asleep for an hour after we got back!  I guess I was wiped.  Then later on, we took my friend's dog for a walk.  We were probably outside for about 7 mins tops, but it felt nice and I came back in and collapsed.  Right now I'm really struggling with the pain and can't believe how much pressure I feel all over my face.  I can't escape it either because it's all over my face.  Even under my eyes looks like it's about to bruise.  I'm really hoping today is the worst of the swelling and that it starts going down.

My face is still tingly so it feels really weird and uncomfortable.  The swelling on the sides of my top lip have gone down a little and now I have a turtle looking lip.  It's funny I guess.  On our walk today, this girl was definitely staring at me, but I didn't care too much.  I know I look weird haha.

I kinda think I look like a pokemon, but I can't think of which one.  It's especially when I have the ice packs on bc I look like I have horn-like ears on the top of my head.

I've been doing a good job with eating I think and have a healthy appetite.  I just hope this pressure decreases...nowwwww! Ow it hurts so badly.  :( :(

day 3

look! I look normal!

what a smile...

bruising darkening

so swollen

Day 2

So I've been staying at my friend Meg's house and she has been so nice about everything and has taken care of me so well.

Today was definitely harder than yesterday because my swelling is much much worse so I couldn't even make a video because it hurts to talk :(.  The pressure in my face is a very weird feeling and it hurts bc I feel so stretched.  The feeling is coming back to the top part of my face and it feels really prickly and tingly all the time and isn't pleasant at all.

I didn't take the percocet a lot today and may just use it to help me sleep from now on.  I don't like that it just knocks me out because I need to be drinking and brushing and taking other meds all the time.  Today I basically just watched tv and dozed in and out all day.  I don't feel as out of it as I did yesterday so that's good.  I spelled so many things wrong yesterday it was funny.

Today I've been pretty much able to take care of myself.  I've made myself food, refilled my ice packs, and taken my meds on schedule.  The biggest challenge today was showering.  I had heard of someone who fainted from it on another blog so I was scared.  I told my friend to come check on me after about 5-10 mins.  At first it was fine and felt good, but then I started to get really light-headed and scared that I was going to pass out.  I can't really explain the feeling, but it was light-headedness mixed with exhaustion and a little bit of panic.  I got out of the shower and just wanted to lie down, but I didn't since I was in a bathroom.  I sat down and my friend eventually came down to check on me and then gave me water.  I slowly got dressed and then laid down. 

It definitely feels good to be clean and I think it may have cleared up my sinuses a little bit.  And seriously just a little bit, but at least my ears popped.  Today the TADs started to really irritate my lips and gums.  It's making me worry more about getting an infection.  I'm trying really hard to not get one bc I don't want to prolong my recovery time.  I've been swishing w salt water after every med I take and everything I drink that isn't water.  They want me to brush 6 times a day which I'm trying to work up to bc it hurts!  This morning when I brushed for the first time, I brushed way too hard on my top lip and idn what I did, but it hurt and has been really swollen since.

I'm really happy because I've been able to use cups so I haven't had to fuss with the syringes much.

Today was definitely a bigger struggle and I had to work to keep my spirits up.  I know how funny I look and I want to laugh about it, but it hurts.  And it's way harder to talk today so that was upsetting as well.  I'll take some pictures even though I'd never want to be seen like this so I'll probably put them up in a few days after it's gone down a little so I feel better about it.

Also ice is my favorite thing ever.  I wish I had a ski mask made of ice bc it's really hard to keep ice on all the different areas of my face.


Here's a video I made.  I wasn't originally planning on sharing it so I was pretty mumbly, but after rewatching it, I think it's a good video to show.  I put on subtitles so you can understand it.

my smile haha

lookin good...

my lovely necklace is made of the ice packs tied together.  the hospital gave me these