Later yesterday night, I ordered chinese food and walked a block to the store to pick it up. I felt really self conscious and was upset that there were so many people outside. My swelling alone wouldn't be that big of a deal because it's obviously swelling, but my top lip is so enormous and unnatural looking, it makes it glaringly obvious that I don't look normal, but it isn't something that can be obviously attributed to surgery. The lady in the chinese restaurant avoided eye contact and I worried that my friend who I walked over with was embarrassed to be seen with me. As we walked out of the chinese restaurant, a girl and her mother were crossing the street and I didn't want the girl to see me and get scared. Luckily they finished crossing and had walked ahead of us by the time we got to the same corner.
When we got home I blended up hot and sour soup and it looked very gross, but tasted delicious. Eating is quite funny right now because I'm still rubber banded shut. I tuck paper towels into my shirt to make a bib, lay paper towels across my lap to catch drips, hold onto the mug I drink from with a napkin to catch what runs down the side, and have another napkin handy to wipe my lips/chin/nose. My top lip is so big that everything gets on it. I have to slurp my food a bit so that it'll go into my mouth. A lot of times the liquid will become too wide for my mouth to catch and drip down the side. Everything's a little numb so it's hard to judge where the food is going.
Last night i was feeling around my eyes and noticed that i could feel some of the bone on the outer part of my eye socket! (I can feel a little bit more today!)
Today was good/frustrating because it's the first day that I looked a lot worse than I felt! My stupid top lip is trying to take over the planet and has possibly decreased the teeny tiniest bit, if at all, from yesterday. For the first time today, I could hold the mouthwash in my mouth and swish around without running out of breath. (I was much too congested before.) I swear I spend half my day with q-tips and hydrogen peroxide. (absolute necessity!!!!) I'm pretty bummed bc the rubber bands holding my mouth closed are ripping up my gums and shifting my teeth all over the place. It's really upsetting, but hopefully I'll get less rubber bands tomorrow at my 1st post op appt!! My gums are also SOOOOO swollen. It's so upsetting because I floss and brush all the time and my gums are normally so healthy, but oh well.
Last night, I watched the video of the actual surgical procedure I had on youtube. DO NOT DO THIS BEFORE YOUR SURGERY! SERIOUSLY DON'T!!! REALLY!! I didn't look at it before my surgery because I was too scared it would make me scared or back out and I'm SO SO glad I waited. I want to be a surgeon so I'm not even squeamish about those things, but seriously don't look at it before your surgery. Well anyways, I know why I'm so swollen and why I'm swollen in certain places. It also gave me some insight into where my stitches are and stuff so that's made the brushing less painful. I have stitches all across my top lip and it's SO hard to brush my top teeth without brushing over them which hurts SO badly. I think maybe that's why the swelling in my top lip won't go down bc I irritate it every time I brush.
My swelling has gone down a lot...well maybe not a lot, but it feels so much better. I don't feel my face throbbing and stretching all of the time anymore which is so nice. My swelling seems to have moved down my face. The top of my face is less full and I'm not sure if my lower face is more swollen due to it moving down, but it just looks way better to me. Maybe that's just because my enormous top lip makes everything look small in comparison.
I took another shower today and it felt fantastic. The water pressure was perfect and I was able to massage my face with it and it was just so soothing and perfect. I didn't feel faint or anything.
I definitely think that staying with my best friend makes the recovery a lot easier. My other best friend comes over every day too so I think it's been helping me not get depressed. A few times, especially yesterday when I ran out of medicine, I got really sad because I was in so much pain and couldn't stand up or do anything, but it passed pretty quickly. My friends also have a dog so I cuddle with him and watch tv all day basically.
I've been trying to go for a walk every day so that I'm moving around. Today I didn't go on one, but I moved around a lot more normally today. My friends even commented that I seemed like I had more energy today. I pretty much did have good energy today, but it's frustrating because it's hard to talk (and be understood) and it hurts to laugh. (my TADs rip up my lips when I move them a lot).
The other day I called my surgeon's office because I was worried that I had an infection. I talked to the resident, TJ, and he was really nice, as always, but the funny thing was that even though I was so unintelligible, the secretary and TJ could understand me perfectly hahaha! They must be so used to hearing people through gritted teeth. Alternatively, I called an unrelated business and the lady could hardly understand what I was saying and was really confused.
So I think that's all I have to share about the past two days. I'm just gonna keep on watching south park, taking my meds, and hoping my lips look more normal tomorrow!
Day 4 pictures:
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| day 4 |
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| I feel like crap. You can also see that my top lip is getting bigger. |
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| my lovely necklace is the cool jaw band |
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| it's funny that my chin is looks so small because it's the only part of my face that isn't swollen |
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| you can see the thickness of my face |
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| I feel awful :( |
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| this is my hot and sour soup. one's the original soup and one's blended up...can you guess which one's which? |
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| top lip growing |
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| look at that lip! |
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| my smile for today |
